Huahaha. I’m currently really tired, damn exhausted. Just got back here (cemara) from Kem Bina Negara Tanjung Rhu, Sepang. These 5-days-like hell-camp is finally over!! Woww~~!!! Haha. Let me tell how did i get going for the past five days.
My first impression of the camp. its quite nice, actually. Located far away from the city, close(very close) to the beach. Yeah, its nice! As we arrived there, as my mind going to think that this is going to be a happy experience, first thing we have to face there was that we were scolded by the trainers! "Beg tu jangan letak kat situ, mengganggu orang nak jalan! Tak sabar-sabar!! Macam ni nak pegi luar negara!!" Yet my heart were engulfed with flames, with a tonne of ‘bengkek’ towards the trainer, whom i later knew as Pak Ajis.
Later on, the group arrangement. Me, got into the 7th Group out of 13, was a bad omen i believe. Being the only Russian Boy, i felt like discriminated. My so called beloved group consisted of me myself, fein and saadah (2 russian girls), 3 a -couple years older than me-boys from KTT (Kolej Teknologi Timur), 5 kind-hearted KTT girls, and also 2 stylish-lazy girls also from KTT. Argh, being the only, youngest man in the group, i am left with lots burden of responsibilities such as cuci the tray, basuh the cawan, tuang the air, ambik the ais, lap the meja, kutip the handset, etakdal-etakdal (and so on). Also being the nice primary target of the trainers during the kawad (as i’m the squad leader, standing in front of my group), again, my heart trembled with glorious, flame, made me swearing a lot in my mind!!
However, as i thought that i’m gonna hate this experience for my whole life, i realized something. Where in the world my so-long-called friends? For the past 5 days in the camp, people who were used to be by my side, who called as ‘friends’, suddenly disappear. I were left alone. With no one to help me. Or to comfort me. Or even to talk with me. When i carried alone the dishes to be cleaned, there were voices around me. "Rajin kid. Kat bilik tak penah lak rajin camni." When i walked alone towards the surau, giggles with laugther burst through the air. " Fuiyoo…kid gi surau ah!! Tak penah2nye.!" "Wei, dunia nak kiamat ke? Kid org first sampai surau!!"
Camni ke melayu? Melayu bangsa pengkhianat. Betul, kak zal. Melayu memang pengkhianat. Sejak zaman kesultanan melaka. Sejak tun mutahir dibunuh akibat fitnah koja hassan. Dah dekat setengah abad malaya merdeka, perangai macam ni masih tepu dalam hati kita. Dalam hati remaja. Dalam hati melayu. Tak pernah bersifat supportive. Hanya tahu melemahkan orang. SNIOP. Self Negative Influence Other People. Tak boleh menerima perubahan. Especially perubahan positif. Kalau ye pun tak nak berubah, nak kekal bangang sampai bila2, mengapa mesti provok orang lain yang nak berubah? Mengapa mesti dengki??
Is this is what called as friends? There goes the saying, when we were left without friends, its time when we realize how valuable them are. And to me, it’s just a fool saying. Being alone, ‘stranded’ without friends made me realize of something. Something i should realize long before this. " I can live without friends. I don’t have to have friends to live."
I can do it all alone. Basuh pinggan. Cuci periuk. I can do it alone. Jalan pi surau. Lari 2km tepi pantai. I can do it all by myself. Aku tak nyusahkan sape2. Kaki aku bengkak sape peduli! Telinga aku berdarah sape kisah!
In fact, i feel much better by being alone. Bersama dengan rakan2 gelakkan jurulatih. Sembang kosong. Usha pompuan. Mencarut2. Wat lawak bodoh. Ape bende ni semua? Aku berkawan dgn org macam ni? Biar betul! I was thinking, am i doing wrong in selecting friends? But they all i got! Takde org lain! Semua kawan2 aku cmtu. So nak wat camne??
Until now, i realized that i could really live without
love friends. Much better by being alone. Yes, more freedom. My mind is not bounded by a set of mindset which its parameter is determined as the total mean mindset of my surrounding friends, by adding quadruple negative value with respect to only one, single positive value called ‘ FRIENDSHIT‘ ‘FRIENDSHIP’. Faham ke? Mathematical arguments. With direct translation, by being alone, pemikiran dan hala tuju aku tidak lagi dipengaruhi oleh ketetapan dan keputusan rakan2 aku, yang mana pemikiran mereka secara puratanya berteraskan 4 kali ganda lebih banyak nilai negatif berbanding kemurniaan niat satu nilai positif bergelar "PERSAHABATAN". Understand it? Philosofical arguments.
Simple example in realistic life. By being alone, i can go anywhere i want. Depends on my heart. To the movie, katok, sunway pyramid, low yatt, anywhere!! Tanpa membuang masa. Tanpa arguments. Segalanya berteraskan hati dan intuisi aku. Nak makan di mana. Nak solat. Nak balik naik bas ke teksi. Total social freedom.
The case is quite same when kak zal, my facilitator tanya, who is your role model, instead of Rasulullah s.a.w and ur parents? I was thinking quite hard. Hard enough until finally i came with the answer : myself. Yeah, myself. I am the role model of myself. Why? I am not potraying other person. I am imitating nobody. I am myself. I can determine the positive value which i need. Which i want. I dont have to follow a distinguished, discrete value of great person such as Dr Mahathir, Nicole David nor Luis Figo! I am myself. I can be myself!
"Tapi kita tetap perlukan seseorang untuk menjadi panduan kita ke arah menjadi diri kita. Memang la nak jadi diri sendiri, semua orang kat sini nak jadi diri sendiri, bukannya nak imitate sape2, tapi kita tetap perlukan seorang role model untuk jadi guide kita" – one of the discussion in my LDK, trying to pangkah my decision.
Do i really need somebody to be my guide? Somebody to tell me who am i going to be? Do i? Well, even if i do need guidance, ‘somebody’ would not be my choice. it would be ‘something’. it would be the noble Quran as well as the As-Sunnah. They are my guide. They will show me the way to be who i want to be, my role model. Myself. I dont need a human as my role model. Why? Because human is imperfect. Except Rasulullah s.a.w. I could never be like him, but trying to imitate him is the best way to get close to him. Insya Allah.
Jika kamu ingin mengenali seseorang, lihatlah pada sahabat2nya.
i’ve strayed too much. Sorry. Back to my story. About the BTN camp.
Senang citer, i could not deny that i hate BTN at first. But now, i am very thankful to it. To them. My trainers. Credit to the Chief Trainer, a.k.a the commando, Pak Mad. Could never forget your humour, the ‘takzirah’, the ‘nombol’ the ‘reput’ and so on.
And for Pak Nordin, the strict one, could never forget ur advise. U must be a good father. Thank you.
For Pak Ajis, though quite nasty, irritating yet hillarious, i could never forget the kawad training. the lari-lari. Huhaha. Lari-lari. Kita lari. Goyang badan. Goyang pinggang. Baju merah. Baru datang. Turun seploh.
Not forgettable Pak Ya, from Kedah. Thanx for the advice. Thanx a lot.
Big credit, Big applause, lots of thanks to them. Though lots of my so-called-friends hate all of you, but i really appreciate what u have done. For me, i coul never forget Kem Bina Negara Tanjung Rhu, the point of change in my life. Thank you, Allah sahaja yang dapat balas jasa baik kalian.