i”M wEak~?!!


Its been 2 days i’m not feeling well.. Actually, its been a week. Got my first migrain attack last week, after comin back from BTN…huhu… But not really serious, as it is an acute-type attack. There it comes, and soon (a day or two) there it goes…

It is not migrain actually. Because i’m not having the main symptom of migrain, which is sensitive of light (silau). Whenever the attack began, i’m not having any trouble regarding my eyesightness, its just the pain in certain part of my brain. The pain is soooo…terrible making me feel like wanna smash my head to the damn wall, bursting each and single vein of my  brain!!

Another day gone, and so was the pain. Huhu. Except for the yesterday, my early symptomp, early sign of i’m not okay, the sore throat. I’ve kinda unique defensive body system..huhaha. Each time i was about to have some kind of disease, such as flu, fever or headache, a day or before i’ll be having sore throat.  Like yesterday. I have some kind of painful sore throat, and late of the day, i start consuming lots of tablets!! huhaha. The rayer aspirin, the panadol activfast, and so on… I dun know why i did this, but the only thing that concerns me at that time is that I dun want to miss any class!! Any class of madam penny, nor abg izzuan, nor natalia.

Yet, i waking up early in the morning with a running-nose, headache, coldness, and some sort of stomachache (which i think gastrointestinal disorder)…

I execute my routine -unhealthy- life : waking up 10 a.m. in the morning (missed my subuh, luckily i’ve qada it back!), scared to the feet to take bath, just a simple sprinkling of water, and back to the couch again. Turn on the laptop, play window media player, then take a good nap on the couch.. Later in the afternoon, went to the doc, prescribed some meds, bought Kreko(s) and continue life…huhu..

Some of my friends asked : why are you sick so often? Why are you so weak? And i couldnt say a word but smile towards them, quoting " Ntahla…antibodi kureng skit taun ni..hak2" with funny tone..

I decided not to get angry right now. Lots of things kept bursting my anger recently. Lots of people keep messing wif my business, kept getting me angry. And i decided not to get angry.

Why?  I met somebody last week. A girl actually. No nothing happened between me and her, just that she is unique (from my point of view). She have a lot of problems, regarding her family, her relationship (see..she already in a relationship!), her study, her friends, etakdal-etakdal. Yet she kept her happy-go-lucky attitude! I was so impressed by the way she took her probs. Yeah, she did tell me some of her problem, and it seems that she prefer run away rather than solving it. She taught me one phrase : Hakuna Matata.

It means no worries, for the rest of you days..

It’s a problem-free philosophy!

Thanx chidori-chan!

Back to the point. Angry. Yep. I’m easily furious rite now. Esp to this girl, whom i consider as my friends. No! Stop talking bout her!!


I dontsadgasfs


I dun know what i’ve done, what to do, nor what should i do!

I miss my friends, back in mrsm pdrm… They cared towards me, they wont let me in deep agony, they would lend their hand, pull me back to my life..

And most of all, they appreciate me..

God! I really need to go to Russia as soon as possible~!! To start a new life~!! To forget each and single problems, troubles, messes here in Malaysia! To forget them! Them? Yes them!! Especially her! (Oh..God, please dont put us together in the same univ, i really hate confronting with somebody who doesnt care for me, for my feelings, who doesnt appreciate me at ALL, who dont ever want to be my friend (even friend?), who have hurted me, who left me, who..)

(yet…whom i loved..)

Well if you wanted honesty
Thats all you had to say

I’d never want to let you down
Or have you go
Its better off this way

For all the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
Remember when you broke your foot,
From jumping out the second floor?

Im not okay
Im not okay
Im not okay

You wear me out

What will it take
To show you that
It’s not the life it seems(Im not okay)

I told you time and time again
You sing the words(Im not okay)
But still you dont know what it means

To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook
For the last time
Take a good hard look!

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book
But the pages all are torn and frayed now

Im okay (?)
Im okay!

Im okay now(Im okay now)
But you really didnt listen to me
Because Im telling you the truth
I mean this ever so much that I am


I’m not okay!
I’m not okay!
Well I’m not okay
I’m not o-f***ing-kay

Im not okay
Im not okay (okay)


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