Almost, Perspective

I’d like to think that around 7 years ago, that was the peak of my career (and perhaps my adult life, even). At that time I was already almost 1 year working at the tertiary hospital. At that time I was the senior medical officer, helming a critical and delicate subspecialty – cardiology.

Yeah, work at that time was a bit busy. I was doing two – sometimes back to back – oncalls per week. But it was fulfilling. I was trusted by my superiors and specialist, to be one of the dependable and independent senior medical officer. I’ve been participating in research group, contributing to the clinic’s LEAN system. I’ve been known as a MO that loves to teach and spend time with my younger HO colleagues. It was a good, work-life balance, i guess. I have no issues with money, I provided to my family well, and somehow, things look like they were perfect at that time.

Perfect to the point that, i had been drafting the next step forward. I previously had a lot of passion about critical care, up to the point that i’ve been prospecting to get into an intensivist pathway as a next step of my career. But then looking at my colleagues, superior that are intensivists themselves, it was quite a hectic life. At that time also I’ve been spending times in social meds. I’ve had few colleagues and connections in the HQ, been meeting some of them in programs here and there. And thus I thought, my knowledge, skills and talent were better spent on something more administrial or managerial.

It was during that time I applied for a position in the HQ, specifically an administrial position. I was expected to co-lead the division related to Organ Transplant in Malaysia. I aced the interview, and was already had a date to report for duty.

But then, at the end of that year, everything somehow spiraled down and I hit rock bottom, fucking hard.

And just like that, I’ve lost literally everything. I was left bare naked, with nothing – not my reputation, not my friends, not even my family. I’ve lost myself so hard I thought and believed that the world is a better place without me wasting its resources.

So for the past seven years, I’ve been picking up whatever sliver of shreds scattered, trying to make myself whole again.

You know what. By losing and throwing everything away, I now realized which of the important shreds or pieces that are worth my time picking them up.

I’m now living in a bare minimal and keep a tight lifestyle. I dont need to spend much, at least not for my own. I’m pretty basic.

I’ve sold my car trying to fund my cafe business in 2021, and I’m glad I closed down the business with no liabilities or loans behind. But at least I no longer have car loans.

I have some personal loans but I expect and anticipate them to be settled this year, or next. After that, i’m literally debt-free.

My life currently has been pretty minimalistic. I rent a small cheap house for my family. I drive a humble Kelisa (belongs to my mom) to-and-fro work, and spend just around RM200/month for the gas. I cooked whenever possible, and enjoy spending lavishly on my family and my kids, spoiling them with toys and great time together.

In terms of work wise, i realized that my daily schedule is a bit upside down. You see, most people, they got a day job, and then they spend their night doing something on the side – moonlighting, study, and so on.

Well, i got it the other way around.

I’m currently working 5 days a week, except that, its not during the day. It was during the night. Working the graveyard shift, it was less hectic. The workload is not so much, and most of the time, I still met my sleep requirement well. I’m getting paid, albeit not handsomely like i used to get back then when i was in private hospital, but a decent amount.

And the good side is, i’m now able to spend the day time doing anything I want. Yesterday I brought the kids for their first go-kart session. It was historic. And when its not school holiday, i can spend the daytime on my self-care. Cooking, learning, watching something, going to the mall, going to the cinema, going for cafe hunting, etc.

Especially now that i’m enrolled into the 42KL. I’ve been spending my day time at the campus, finishing up my assignments and projects.

Come to think of it,

I’m now living a life of a retiree already lol. Except for the working at the night part. And even with that, i’m hoping that within this year and next, i’ll be generating some passive income out of my coding and programming skill, enough to achieve financial freedom.

At first I was a bit…inferior, when knowing that my friends, my colleagues, now they’re doing their masters program, some have already become specialists, some migrated overseas, some climbing up the administrial ladder,

it easy feel like “i’m stuck at this life”, but when looking at a close perspective,

hell yeah, this is the life that most people wanted. Instead of spending my early morning trapped in a traffic jam trying to catch the punch-in time, i drive home every morning leisurely thinking what i’m gonna have as a breakfast today. Nasi dagang? nasi lemak? hmm.

i dont bring home any of my work. I dont have “pending tasks” to do. once i got back home, i dont care anymore what happened during last night’s work. that is fucking liberating.

Alhamdulillah at the current moment, i can say that i’ve achieved half of the life freedom that everyone dreamt of. InsyaAllah, i’m hoping that He will bless me and give me enough and make me sufficient to complete that another half.

My aim is that by the age of 40 years old, i’ve settled out all my loans, have some good saving, own some good assets, generated some passive incomes, and then, as they said, “life begins at forty”!